April 5th, 2011
I claw at the shadows cast by a me that could have been.
Desperately trying to catch up to where I know I should be now.
I see him in the mirrors when the lights are low enough.
But I can never step through that divide and into his shoes.
I’m chasing the wake left behind by a better man than me.
Will I ever catch up to where I’m supposed to be?
I see him in the reflections in your eyes sometimes.
Is it really me that you love, or is it the trace of him within?
Will there ever come a time when the two of us are the same?
I’m trying so hard, as much for you as for myself.
I don’t know if all that effort will amount to anything.
For you I keep on crawling forward.
I do everything for you.
April 6th, 2011
All my life I felt like I was waiting for something.
Like a pressure building in the back of my mind
I thought that it would be the end of the world.
I watched and waited all these years for some sort of sign.
My eyes were always searching in the wrong places.
I thought it was the end, but it was always you.
I sat here hoping to witness the world burned away.
Instead it was the end of everything I believed was true.
You brought me to my knees like no one else could.
My mind is spinning every time I look your way.
I’m broken down, confused, and scared to death.
But somehow I know that you are here to stay.
You’re the death of who I knew myself to be.
All of my illusions dissipate with you right here.
I’ve become a stranger to myself, someone new.
I am desperate to believe you, telling me to have no fear.